A lot, actually. Particularly when it comes to naming our emotions.
“There’s a bug, mommy!”
“Uh-huh”
“There’s a bug, mommy!”
“Yep!”
“THERE’S A BUG MOMMAY!!!”
“There’s a bug, Noah!”
“Yep” and off he goes.
My three year old will repeat the same phrase to me 3,245,864 times until I repeat it back to him. He’s too smart. He can tell when I’m distracted and just trying to finish this one thing. I can hear it happening in the background and I’m trying to acknowledge him without losing my concentration. I’m working hard. My eye starts to twitch and he gets more and more persistent. And finally I give in. I give him my full attention. I repeat back to him the exact words he is screaming directly into my ear drum and it’s done. He’s off to play and move on with his life.
Our emotions operate in a similar way. When we try to ignore them, they just have to work harder to get our attention. If we can stop long enough to attend to them, really acknowledge them, often this is a huge step toward lifting the weight of them.
Have you ever been talking with a friend about something challenging and they were able to name for you exactly what you were feeling about that experience? It’s so validating! Often, just figuring out the right words to express what we’re feeling goes a long way. There is power in naming what we’re feeling.
We tend to use big, broad language when it comes to our emotions: sad, angry, anxious, happy, etc. Each of these emotions is complex and nuanced and is likely a combination of a number of different feelings. The more specific you can get with naming them, the more helpful you’ll find it. Sometimes I’ll hand a client lists of words like this and ask them to name anything that fits how they’re feeling.
Why don’t you give it a try? Next time things go south, a conversation leaves you feeling unsettled, you start to get that feeling in the pit of your stomach, try naming what you’re feeling. You can do this for yourself or name it to a friend. And just notice how maybe things begin to shift a little for you.
